Breast Feeding.....uuuum, it sucks?

So, I know that just because I had problems breastfeeding my son, it does not necassarilly mean that I will have problems feeding my daughter....

But damn, that doesn't stop me worrying over every feed....which ofcourse means that I'm stressed, which reduces my milk....which, well, causes problems with my breast feeding.

See, I KNOW what my midwife would say: "just keep working on it, breast is BEST...yadda yadda yadda."

But listening to that crap and ignoring my instincts is exactly why my son became almost dangerously dehydrated 4 years ago.

So this time I have a supply of formula sitting in the cupboard just in case.... and I feel so guilty for having them there....almost like I've given up before I've really started....but I NEED them there, NEED to know that the very second my daughter appears to not be getting enough nourishment from me, I can provide her with some.

You see, the weight that lies on my shoulders is, I am solely responsible, at this moment in time, for ensuring my daughter is getting enough sustenance....I mean, there is no-one else who can or should take responsibility for her well being....and it is a terrifying prospect that I might fail....again.

And here comes the worry.

I'm sitting on my couch right now. Husband is working, baby-girl is sleeping in her bouncy chair and number one son is away on a class trip.

Life isn't perfect, but it's pretty bloody good.

From my lofty and rose-tinted position, it appears to me that anyone with kiddies must feel this way....must take great satisfaction in the knowledge that they are as happy and safe as can be guaranteed........however this is the real world, and horribly, this is not the case.

When I first read about this poor wee boy, I was horrified, disgusted and completely and utterly unable to understand how and why this was allowed to happen. After baby-girl was born, I couldn't even bring myself to think about the supposed 'rationale' behind the mothers behaviour, why she left her baby alone with an animal and how she managed to walk free from the courts.
It makes me sick and angry that there are people out there who can and do get away with this abuse every single day apparently with the only consequence being that they will 'possibly' receive a paltry jail sentence....or be able to use the 'get out of jail' card by pleading 'no knowledge' of what was going on!

Damn, I didn't mean to get all depressing...but I had to say something, even if it is just useless words stating the obvious.

Y'know, this is why I sometimes wish that I was what the title of this blog suggests: Blissfully Ignorant'.